Who will speak for Phoebe?

I don’t write in my blog as a daily practice. I write when the issue or related topic moves me to write. This time I feel compelled to write. I have no other real weapon to use for the sake of Justice. And so, I write.

On January 14 of this year, a young irish girl who had just moved to this country ended seeming months of torment, harassment, and seemingly endless physical and psychological abuse from a self-appointed nobility of students at her school by hanging herself in her closet. She was 15. Her lifeless body was discovered by her 12 year old sister. But finally, very finally, the abuse and the anguish and the mental and physical torment had stopped. Was it a permanent solution to a temporary problem? Have you ever been bullied? Until you have, don’t judge. I know... I was Phoebe once. How long can you handle the abuse and torment from people who seem to be immune to consequences? How often have you told the adults around you only for the abuse to get worse? Who will stand up for you? Who will speak for Phoebe?

In his Boston Globe article on the death of Phoebe Nora Mary Prince, writer Kevin Cullen writes of the abuse the young lady took at the hands of self-appointed “In” crowd girls who partied like it was 1999 2 days after Phoebe’s death, continued to bad-mouth her, intimidate other students with impunity when they were interviewed about it, and act with complete remorselessness and callousness that they had nothing to do with her death . How long could you handle the abuse? We train our soldiers to resist torture to the best of their ability but we always think of physical torment not just the mental aspects of abuse. How much abuse could you take before you had to make it stop? Stop it any way you thought possible... event if it was permanent... too permanent. Have you experienced such torment and abuse? No? Go ahead... try it sometime then tell me with a straight face that “those things happen when you’re in school and you just have to learn to live with them.” Go ahead and suffer through drinks “spilled” on you every day and your head and body slammed into lockers each day. Go ahead and feel that you have to walk the other way and avoid being around certain “It” crowds of students because to go past them invites more abuse, ridicule, and physical and psychological torment. Go ahead and live in an almost constant state of fear and self-loathing that seems to never have an end to it. Go ahead and tell the adults and watch nothing change but in fact get worse for being a ’snitch.’ I hate that word... snitch... it’s a cowardly word. The reality is that there’s no such thing as a snitch but only people who are too cowardly to do the right thing and use the force of authority to make the situation better and stop the abuse. Cowards... the adults are cowards. And as much as the students responsible for the abuse should be held responsible, the adults are just as culpable. Perhaps even more so. Phoebe did nothing wrong from all accounts except cross the often invisible line of clicks, the hidden lines of the cast system of high school to date a senior... and then the Mean Girls,who are at every school, decided to make her pay for her insolence. They say they did nothing wrong. They say they aren’t responsible. I’m sure they have parents and lawyers even on their side to be their advocates and speak for them. Who speaks for the abused students they treat like serfs who live to serve them at their beck and call? Who will stop the abuse? Who will stop the bullying? Who will speak for Phoebe?

I teach. I teach in Middle School. I have for 23 years. I can’t count the number of times I have heard people exclaim,“Oh! You teach 8th grade? That was such a hard time for me. I don’t know how I survived it.” Yes, it’s true that it is a hard time... the awkwardness of growth, hormones, trying to fit in, wanting people to like you, trying to be special... but not too special. It’s like the Japanese saying, “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down,” was meant for Middle and High School. And so putting up with mean kids is just a right of passage in school; we all have to put up with it. Really? You try it sometime and then come back and tell me how you feel and how well you sleep and how every step in the crowded halls of the school fills you with dread. Every step leads you through another level of your own purgatory... or perhaps levels of hell. Ask Phoebe Prince how she felt... oh, that’s right, you can’t. She is dead.

What do we do? How can we change this virus of ill behavior and tacitly accepted abuse? We take advice from Confucius. We have two ways to proceed: We can sit students down and attempt to educate them of the consequences of their actions and hope the lessons take hold. Or, we can punish the perpetrators and the adults whose non-fessence allowed this malignancy to destroy the body of education over and over and over.... Until the abuse stops or they perpetrators leave and their parents have to pay for private education as the penalty for not teaching your children well. That’s how we handle the perpetrators. Then the adults must be dealt with. Hold the administrators, counselors, and teachers responsible for not reporting and then dealing with this. “But the state’s laws don’t give us the power to act on this,” the administrators will say. That’s a vapid and hollow response.... I might say even cowardly. It’s amazing the power a principle has to deal with abusive students. Its time they grew a pair and started dealing with it when students, teachers, and counselors bring it to their attention. Your job as an administrator is not as valuable as the life of a young person. Any other response is cowardly. Finally we need to have district attorneys willing to prosecute abusers and those who help facilitate their behavior: students and their parents. Use the statutes, show a spine, make examples of them in public whether you can win the case outright or not and make it financially and socially costly for such behavior to occur without consequences. Then make the district attorney act as the law allows regardless of the politics or let them suffer the consequences as well and vote them out of office. It may not stop all the abuse but will hopefully bring a modicum of justice to the abused. Thats right. Not a right of passage but abuse. And we in this society must stand up and say, “No more,” to all those involved. Make them pay the price of their actions. In the end, this Mean Girl crew will have plenty of defenders to fend off their attackers... but who will speak for Phoebe?

Follow-up March 31:

It turns out that the outrage over Phoebe's treatment has made some progress. 9 students have been charged with crimes as a result of their behavior in the Phoebe Prince abuse case. Please read the following article from the New York Times.

Hypocrisy and Safety

So I'm getting ready to start my blog for the week, still in my comfey, sleeping clothes, when Steve calls and says, "Whatcha doin?" and says that he's gonna be there in 15 minutes to go to brunch with Sean and Jeanne.... crap. Sunday is for blogging, relaxing, and tweeting with anyone (bloggers, news people, scientists, porn stars, the whole lot) while trying to wrap my mind around ultimate answers to hard questions. Like "Why do people believe in such bull-shit as God created man" (and what about woman... that always bothered me even though I'm male so you'd likely think I was cool with that notion... nope). Any ways, I get my act together (barely) then it's off to Roseville.

Sean looks much better after the back surgery and Jeanne is such a trooper. After we're done, we walk out (a major accomplishment for Sean) and everyone's words seem to get lost in the rain.. the rain... it makes me contemplative. Then I realize after finishing my work at home how dark it gets so early in Winter. I come back to my sanctuary of a home and begin to realize that my friends have it better than I do in one large regard... they can profess who they are and their belief in NOT believing. I don't dare do that at my work or near my place of employment. If I did, I'd risk being terminated by a crazy, religiously fanatical parent. I use subterfuge and use my Zen Buddhist goings as my out. "Oh no, I'm not a non-believer; I'm a Zen Buddhist." The Buddhism statement is true, but the 'not a non-believer' is not.... I feel like such a hypocrite.

My friends regularly tell me that they understand my situation but it still gets to me. How can I be the co-founder of an Atheist and Non-Believer group but not come out to support it. I let certain friends know but sometimes I just want to shout to the world, "I don't believe in ANYTHING, especially your bullshit notion of God because there isn't any God!" But no, I stay in the 'closet' so-to-speak and let my friends take the brunt for being one of the last and most hated minority groups in America. Someday.... it just sticks in my throat. I hate it.

Then I come across a Science Blog which tries to say the things I want to express. Please read this Blog.

Monday Morning Musings

I'm just sitting at the table listening to NPR about the Comic Con in San Diego while thumbing through Facebook and following my Twitter feeds. So, I start reading about the changing tactics about getting Gay Marriage legal again in California. It reminded me of the only Republican I've read or listened to so far this year (and I used to be a Republican when I first started voting then quickly came to my senses and found out that I HATE political parties... sorry but I just can't drink their Kool-aide no matter how hard I try... I'm just to independent a thinker): Megan McCain. I know, I know. You read that and do what my dog does when I send a nonsequitor his way; cock his head to the side and give and audible 'urhh?' But she has reminded me that if change is to happen it typically comes as the generations change. Go see this little article she wrote about posing for the "No H8 Campaign"

I also like that she told 'Joe the Plumber' that he is a 'dumb-ass' and just ripped Ann Coulter in her blogs. I'll defend anyone who speaks her mind like that! I have hope for the future more than I did before.

The Heretic and the Infidel

I have a couple of definitions I think we need to work with before I explain my position on naming myself. Let's begin:

[from the New American Dictionary On-Line, color emphasis totally my own]

her·e·tic

NOUN:
A person who holds controversial opinions, especially one who publicly dissents from the officially accepted dogma of the Roman Catholic Church.
ADJECTIVE:
Heretical.
ETYMOLOGY:
Middle English heretik, from Old French heretique, from Late Latin haereticus, from Greek hairetikos, able to choose, factious, from hairetos, chosen, from haireisthai, to choose ; see heresy

her·e·sy

NOUN:
pl. her·e·sies
1.
1. An opinion or a doctrine at variance with established religious beliefs, especially dissension from or denial of Roman Catholic dogma by a professed believer or baptized church member.
2. Adherence to such dissenting opinion or doctrine.
2.
1. A controversial or unorthodox opinion or doctrine, as in politics, philosophy, or science.
2. Adherence to such controversial or unorthodox opinion.
ETYMOLOGY:
Middle English heresie, from Old French, from Late Latin haeresis, from Late Greek hairesis, from Greek, a choosing, faction, from haireisthai, to choose, middle voice of hairein, to take

in·fi·del

NOUN:

1. An unbeliever with respect to a particular religion, especially Christianity or Islam.
2. One who has no religious beliefs.
3. One who doubts or rejects a particular doctrine, system, or principle.

ETYMOLOGY:
Middle English infidele, from Old French, from Latin infidlis, disloyal : in-, not ; see in- 1 + fidlis, faithful (from fids, faith; see bheidh- in Indo-European roots)

Now with these definitions firmly out of the way, I am please, nay, proud to say I am a Heretic and an Infidel (and they are capitalized because for the purposes of this essay I consider them proper nouns... more about this after a moment). I take my pride (if it can accurately be termed pride) in calling myself these things in the same way that the homosexual community has usurped the meaning of the word 'gay' for their own purposes. So too do I usurp the churches terms for my own purposes and take pride in being and Infidel and a Heretic. I reject all religious doctrine, dogma, systems, and principles... I have no use for them and I choose (see 'heresy' ) to find the truth for myself absent of any faith or orthodoxy. Now why do I reject orthodoxy? First define your term again:

[from 1. Wikitionary and 2. Ecce Romani latin course and dictionary]

1. Etymology

From Late Latin orthodoxus, from Ancient Greek ὀρθόδοξος (orthodoxos), from ὀρθός (orthos), “‘straight’”) + δόξα (doxa), “‘opinion’”).

2. From Latin "doxus" to opine, have opinion, or think.

It is one of the fallacies of religion and the nature of orthodoxy that it requires that you think in a particular way; that you have 'straight thinking.' In a word, bullshit. I have always thought that the one of the unstated reasons that people so fervently cling to their faith and religion other than the social aspects is that it tells them how to think about the world bu require that you stay within the rigid framework of the dogma of the faith. In short, your ability to reason outside of a certain 'box' is stunted and so is the growth of your mind. I reject this proposition completely, utterly, and emphatically.

I am forever grateful for the process of science that has freed my mind from the trap of dogma and orthodoxy. Despite all the effort he put into it, my Methodist pastor grandfather was never able to convince me that his church (or any other church) with any type of orthodoxy was a living, growing entity concerned with anything except the perpetuation of its own existence... It reminds me of the functioning of a virus.

I state again proudly and for the record: I am a Heretic and and Infidel.

Belated Reminder...

So why is the date of June 28th so important to the LGBT community in the United States? I had wondered about this when I heard someone mention the Stonewall Riots. Riots? When? Where? I had heard of the Madeshene Society (spelling) which was an underground organization of homosexual men in the first half of the 20th century... But what were the Stonewall Riots? Here's where Wikipedia comes to the rescue and I spent about an hour reading about the riots in New York on June 28, 1969 in the Greenwhich Village area after a police raid on a gay nightclub and bar (incidentally run by the mafia) where the patrons had had enough and fought back against the police. I ask you to read it as well: Stonewall Riots

I must apologize to my readers for not having written this blog at the appropriate time which would have been yesterday.... my only defense is to say that friends, lack of sleep, and a house in California without central AC has taken my attention other places than writing. I also point out a phrase that my father once told me and it has stuck with me since I was a young man: You can only oppress and marginalize people so much before they fight back. For all my LGBT friends, this is your time and we will gain you the rights that you have been denied since time immemorial.